She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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