you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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