I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
