Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
