that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
