I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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