After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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