like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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