I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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