I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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