well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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