the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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