Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
