I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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