I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
