SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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