You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
