So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
