She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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