I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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