I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
