He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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