your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize