I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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