So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
