I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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