I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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