We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just cropdusted the office
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
