you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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