with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
