he puts the penis in happiness.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
