you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
only you would photoshop your dick
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
