I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
