Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
