Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
