Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
