No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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