Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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