I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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