so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
