Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
