i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
