Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize