I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
