Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
