2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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