Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
