i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
