evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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