My room smells like vodka and shame
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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