i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize