i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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