Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
