you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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