Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
