And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize