Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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