I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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