through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize