there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
