community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
