It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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