My sheets look like a crime scene.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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