she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
