6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Please don't give away my fajitas
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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