you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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