did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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