And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize