I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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